Self-Love Is Not Always Easy

Hello,

According to psychologytoday.com’s blog post, “The Power of Self-Love: Why self-love matters and how to get started” offers a deep dive to assess if you are practicing self-love in your life right now.

First, ask yourself, “What does self-love look like for me?” Define it as clearly as possible so you will know when you see it and when it is absent.

The practice of self-love is a journey, not a moment. Many moments strung together lead to experiencing self-love more consistently.

• Be kind to yourself, pause before you leap to be your own worst critic

• Set boundaries, remembering to prioritize your wants/needs first

• Practice self-care, whatever that means to you

• Celebrate your wins all along the way to your end goal

• Replace critical with positive self-talk

• Accept yourself as you are right now

• Ask for help as needed from trusted friends, family, and professionals

• Explore new interests, values, and passions to discover who you are

Read the section in the article about Other Barriers to Self-Love to learn more about what gets in the way for most people.

I highly recommend a book called, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It by Kamal Ravikant for the 4 best simple self-love practices I have ever seen. It’s available in hardcover, paperback, ebook and audiobook- click Amazon link above or Google other vendors.

Give Yourself Grace, Forgive Mistakes, and Celebrate Wins

The grief experience often includes feeling disoriented as the loss of a loved one unmoors us from connections, which anchor us in the world - work, relationships, community, etc. Any loss can shake up our certainty about our efficiency, judgment, and competence to get things done.

Grief also makes people hesitant to make quick decisions or take necessary action with confidence. This is true even in areas of expertise at work where we have historically performed with excellence.

Every person’s journey through their grief varies. Assume you are doing yours ‘right’ for you. Trust yourself first.

Give Yourself Grace

Pause. Breathe. Move your body. Your first step is to reconnect to your body.

It’s not unusual to try to alleviate the pain of grieving by acting as if body and mind were not two parts of a whole being. Numbing the body, in the face of extreme disbelief over the loss, and trying to solve the effects of grief by thinking through it, just doesn’t work.

I remember my broken heart, after David died, felt as if my chest had literally cracked open and I was willing to do almost anything to escape that experience. Coming up with reasons not to be deeply sad, so others won’t be uncomfortable or when it shows up during a meeting, won’t move the sadness through toward healing it.

Forgive Mistakes

Human beings make mistakes. It’s common to lash out in anger or burst into tears after a grief event, which can drive people away temporarily or for good. Sometimes we take a wrong turn and do something we regret later, like choosing a job that’s a bad fit, betraying a friend or procrastinating on fulfilling your life’s purpose.

Being critical of yourself for mistakes made is not productive. There is nothing to be done about the past. Look to the present and future. What do you want?

Step 1: Ground yourself in the facts. Compare truths about what happened: a) colored by your thoughts and feelings and b) from a neutral perspective.

Step 2: Learn the lesson. You will find it in your regrets. Was it the breakdown of a relationship? Was it disappointment about a path taken or not taken? Clarity is your superpower.

Step 3: Decide what you want to do - action steps. Apologize. Change direction. Walk away. Forgive yourself and pledge to do better next time.

Celebrate Wins

There is no such thing as a small win. Any win matters and needs to be celebrated to give a more balanced viewpoint of who you are as a person. When you are grieving, a win can sometimes mean just getting out of bed.

We are taught to set and reach goals and celebrate only once we hit them. The problem with this is that, if the goal is in the distant future, it can be a long time between celebrations. Also, we tend to move the goalpost again as soon as we reach it, without pausing to celebrate before going on.

I recommend you celebrate your wins this way instead:

1. Within the long-term goal, break the actions to reach it into smaller goals, like rocks to cross a stream. Celebrate every little step along the way, as well as the final goal

2. Pause and take in what you have accomplished. Allow yourself to feel the energy released every time you complete anything. This can be a buffer against negative thoughts and feelings, as well as fuel to finish

3. Schedule a special treat to mark your celebration, of your choosing. It can be taking a walk alone, eating a meal out or going on vacation

Finally, remember that every experience, including the mistakes, contribute to the person you are, unique in all the world. That alone makes you worthy of joyful celebration.

If you enjoyed this issue, please share and invite others to read, subscribe and share too.

Next Steps

This newsletter issue, Self-Love Is Not Always Easy offers ways to support you in loving yourself better. Let’s chat about your life and any challenges you are facing to find out how I can help.

Schedule your complimentary 20-minute zoom call by clicking the link below: https://thebadwidow.com/ConnectWithAlison.